The Music of the Night

Interesting, I feel, enlightened, through the abstract night, have I emerged protected? The strangeness of the numbness permeates the very air I breath, exhausting my lungs. My senses have been, banished. I have dreamed of this moment since I was a child, now all I feel instead is the clenching of the void, the emptiness of obscurity. Pushed far past Its limit, It is now weak, painless, uneventful. And the Other, simply, missing, no usual customers, uninhabited. I remember, how it looked, so pathetically black, so emotionless. It in itself, a being who had been lost for generations, filled with entities, beautiful ones, who despite such blessings, embodied only the despair of tactless wandering. The overwhelming giant was the definition of the loss of the imaginable, it described the blandness of the first impression as it glowered, and exemplified the very essence of the Lost. It seems that through routine ritual I have finally awakened, that my reality must now be what I project, the only control I still retain. I have always known that escape was impossible, but I now dare to try, only through infinite struggle may I ever understand.

Conclusion: It pains me dearly to admit that I have altered, solely through the experience of missing abstractions, through intangible aspects, but the poison has taken its course. Removing the toxin will take time and pain, and though the results will yield positively, it would have snatched sacrifices. The last chance fades and reappears with no warning, I have no choice, it only takes a glance above to realize that.

Only Time Will Tell

In all honesty, I am terrified. In a past time, I recall transforming into everything that I had refused to become, yet in a twist of fate, that reality became a blessing. I have experienced emotions that have escaped me, my entire life. My eyes have been peeled open, and never has the truth been more beautiful. Yet, as interesting as everything has been played out, the ever familiar inevitability lurks around the corner, as it always has. That which I had feared most, is rapidly approaching, powerless to stop it, I can only watch, and speculate as to how another precious belonging of mine will be rudely swept away by the current of my life. In every blink, my mind races, and it happens, the visions. The pictures that are drawn from memory, but have no trace of my own being, but instead, another. The same movement, the same look, the same.. emotion, it is unbearable. Therein lies the fear, I refuse to be stagnant, to be locked in time, trapped in a pain that will not cease nor wane. It is a road traveled by many, but I cannot tread down the path, not now, not again. But, this is not a choice, and luck has never been an ally, which may explain my soon to be reality, for my refusal to be anything seems to have no effect on the outplay of events, especially my own. I won't be one of them, I can't.

Conclusion: For years I have pondered upon the mysteries of "Happiness", a truly elusive substance. I have studied its comings and goings, concluding that it is an idea that I may never grasp, for how can true Happiness disappear? But, recently, I was told by another an explanation, one that seemed so obvious to the speaker, but one that had slipped my thoughts for years. That Happiness, True Happiness, is an emotion felt only in instances that are appropriate, instances where only joy is felt, while everything else crumbles away, it occurs only for seconds, that Happiness itself, is fleeting by nature. I understand this concept now, and must believe it to be true for the Happiness that I have felt these past months have been true, but its fleeting moment is arriving, and I can only pray my conscious will be ready for its departure.